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Its hard when the past keeps on hunting you. When the people I used to know found out what I had been doing, how I'd been living, they asked me why? But there's no use in talking to people who have love. They have no idea what it's like to seek safety in other people - for home to be wherever you lay your head. I was always an unusual girl. Who belonged to no one, who belonged to everyone. Who had nothing, who wanted everything. 

Why care now? im so messed up - fucked up ! They said 'Change!'. I was once a very happy girl, didnt afraid of anything,i have goals in life. I know what i want. I let people in.. i let them in - all of them! 


Im just too fucked up, i can never show my tears, they gonna laugh! im just too afraid - that's why marriage is my only option! When i think about marriage, i know there's always someone who will hold me - a home. I never trust anyone, everyone. Families, friends, boyfriend - all of them! Just too broken and no one can mend it ! i dont know what i want in life now. I dont have any goals.

RUN! That tiny lil voice in my head keep on saying run N run! I want to - but whats keeping me here? They asked me to stay.. but what do they have to offer? New life? Things will be different - people will not treat me the same! Now that my whole family knows about it. They didnt ask me why - i mean why bother? They never cared !

Tears running down my cheeks while i was writing this - odd! I dont know what i feel. Sad? i doubt that. No one can make me happy now. Try shower me with loves, i dont want it anymore! i just want to go away. They would want that, they will be happy, YOU will be happy.