Disebabkan perangai i yang sangat annoying ni, last skali J admit i can be a lil annoying sometimes. :( It hurts doe. urmmm. Like i never think of his feelings kan, i can be very selfish. RELATIONSHIP CAN BE REALLY HARD ! im not sure if im ready for a serious relationship, i mean now kiteorg like biase je la kan? but i dont think i can deal with commitment la. People said im trying to find reason to not be with someone. Dehel? Im not playing anyone , im not that kinda girl! insecurities, jealousy, craving for more, all those stuff! Its not that im not happy with my current BF, i am happy. Its just that i cant figure out what's going on with me, like magnum P.I couldnt solve the shit going in my head! It just so hard for me to trust someone.
The thing is.. my past! What happened? Experience! Did you know how many time have I fell and get back up again? Once? Cmon, we all can deal with it! Twice? Its hard but you still can stand! 3 times? YES, EXACTLY! That's the limit! Each one of us , have limits to certain kind of things! In this case, LOVE! 3 times i have been cheated on, and people expect me to accept them in my life? NO WAY SIR! To be true, my ex still texting me till today. Some even wants me back, but boy i aint TRIPPIN' ! Trust is like a Glass, once broken, you can assemble it back. stick all up ! but the water are still gonna leak!
MOVING ON : YES! He is the one! I dont want to hurt him, that's why i choose to leave. Im a psyco bitch, l dont wanna see him with other girls, texting them, hanging out, going out, everything with girls! It gives me insecurities. I know that he holds a certain job in society but he has to know that he's mine now. I mean technically he's not mine, but he is my BF.. ( he's mine or not? whatever ! ). I can just shut down my emotion! But is it okay if i dont care with whoever he wants to hang out with? talk to? yadayadayada! I can do that! Maybe that's what im gonna do! YES! Just shut down my emotion towards him. Act like he's just a friend. In that way, i wont get hurt and he dont have to feel like im being overprotective! He can do whatever he wants and i dont have to worry about it. RIGHT?! But it doesnt feel right :/
Starting from today, im gonna be independent. I wont rely on him! I have to be matured. Eventhough deep inside i wanna beat him up ( haha)But i have to be serious. I just haveto flip that lil switch in my brain, that crazy, wild, free nissa to matured, independent, bold nissa! i have to! Its the only way for me to be strong.the more free and wild i am, the more i'll think about my past and drag everyone in the FUTURE. (dramatic bitch)
CHEERS TO THE NEW N ♥